


I Keep On Screamin' But There's Really Nothing Left to Say

by Jaxxxx



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Bullying, College, Cutting, DONT READ IF ITLL BE TRIGGERING, Fluff, Fluffy, Graphic Cutting, Happy Ending, Homophobia, I DONT WANNA TRIGGER ANYONE, I suck at tagging, M/M, Not Famous, Self Harm, Swearing, Well duh, but then, cut, damn so many tags its like a girl on instagram with starbucks, happy cheerful harry, i guess, no really, selfharm!louis, soft little louis, triggering, uni - Freeform, you read the summary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 20:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1402132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaxxxx/pseuds/Jaxxxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis doesn't think he's perfect. His boyfriend, Harry, thinks otherwise. He thinks Louis is happy, he really does. Louis used to be. Then the bullies at university one day, finally got to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Keep On Screamin' But There's Really Nothing Left to Say

**Author's Note:**

> Might be triggering. This is my first post on here so its probably short and dumb and I'm sorry. They are the same age in this. Title from the song Sell Your Soul by Hollywood Undead.

Harry thinks Louis is fine, he really does. And when they first met, Louis was fine. They met in their first year of college, they had English together. Louis is majoring in English, while Harry is majoring in music, minoring in English.

They both remember the day perfectly. Louis was sitting alone at in the back corner. It's not that his classmates didn't like him, they just had friends in that class, and Louis was somewhat of a loner. Then Harry came along. "Can I sit here?" Harry asks, gesturing towards the empty desk beside Louis. "Yeah, sure," Louis said, and looked up from his book, smiling. Harry set his things down under his desk. He looked towards Louis, who had gone back to reading. "I'm Harry," he said, happily, trying to get a conversation going. "I'm Louis," he replied, putting in his bookmark and setting his book on the desk. Harry was about to say more, when the instructor walked in, and started teaching. After class, Harry, once again, tried to get Louis's attention. "Hey, um, Louis, I have an hour before my next class, do you wanna get something to eat?" Harry said, nervously. "I'd like that," Louis smiled. And that was that. They hit it off quite nicely. They got each others numbers, after lunch.

A week after that, Harry asked Louis out. Quite awkwardly. "Hey Lou?" Harry says, twiddling his thumbs. "Hm?" Louis says, focusing on the episode of Friends they had on. "I-I like you Louis. I like you a whole fucking lot. I think you are absolutely beautiful yet handsome at the same time. I get all flustered and I never know what to say around you. Do you possibly wanna go out with me?" Harry says quickly. Louis pauses the tv. He covers his face with his hands to hide his huge smile.

"Dammit, you probably aren't even gay. You probably think I'm a freak or something. I get if you don't wanna be friends with some gay guy. No one else back home did, and I think they should-" Louis cuts off Harry's babbling. "H! I'm not mad, I'm not homophobic, I don't think you're a freak, but I do think you're incredibly cute," Louis smiles, taking his hands off his own face and putting them on Harry's. "Is that.... a yes?" Harry smiles. Louis leans in and kisses Harry. Briefly, yet softly. "Yes, it's a yes," Louis smiles. Harry hugs Louis tightly. Louis snuggles his head in the crook of Harry's neck. "Can we unpause Friends now?" Louis asks quietly. Harry nods and unpauses the tv. Louis giggles when Joey says "I'm Chandler, could I BE wearing any more clothes?"

Soon after, Louis falls asleep in Harry's arms. He looks like a fucking angel. Harry refuses to wake him up. He carries Louis to his bed, laying him down. He texts Louis's room mates, Zayn and Liam, and says that he fell asleep here. Niall comes into his and Harry's dorm a while later. "Did you guys have sex?" Niall asks excitedly. "No! Now don't wake him. He looks so pretty when he sleeps," Harry whispers, gently running his fingers though Louis's hair. "Whatever, man. I'm goin' to bed," Niall says as he plops down into his bed. Soon after, Harry has fallen asleep with Louis is his arms.Harry thinks Louis is fine, he really does. And when they first met, Louis was fine. They met in their first year of college, they had English together. Louis is majoring in English, while Harry is majoring in music, minoring in English.

They both remember the day perfectly. Louis was sitting alone at in the back corner. It's not that his classmates didn't like him, they just had friends in that class, and Louis was somewhat of a loner. Then Harry came along. "Can I sit here?" Harry asks, gesturing towards the empty desk beside Louis. "Yeah, sure," Louis said, and looked up from his book, smiling. Harry set his things down under his desk. He looked towards Louis, who had gone back to reading. "I'm Harry," he said, happily, trying to get a conversation going. "I'm Louis," he replied, putting in his bookmark and setting his book on the desk. Harry was about to say more, when the instructor walked in, and started teaching. After class, Harry, once again, tried to get Louis's attention. "Hey, um, Louis, I have an hour before my next class, do you wanna get something to eat?" Harry said, nervously. "I'd like that," Louis smiled. And that was that. They hit it off quite nicely. They got each others numbers, after lunch.

A week after that, Harry asked Louis out. Quite awkwardly. "Hey Lou?" Harry says, twiddling his thumbs. "Hm?" Louis says, focusing on the episode of Friends they had on. "I-I like you Louis. I like you a whole fucking lot. I think you are absolutely beautiful yet handsome at the same time. I get all flustered and I never know what to say around you. Do you possibly wanna go out with me?" Harry says quickly. Louis pauses the tv. He covers his face with his hands to hide his huge smile.

"Dammit, you probably aren't even gay. You probably think I'm a freak or something. I get if you don't wanna be friends with some gay guy. No one else back home did, and I think they should-" Louis cuts off Harry's babbling. "H! I'm not mad, I'm not homophobic, I don't think you're a freak, but I do think you're incredibly cute," Louis smiles, taking his hands off his own face and putting them on Harry's. "Is that.... a yes?" Harry smiles. Louis leans in and kisses Harry. Briefly, yet softly. "Yes, it's a yes," Louis smiles. Harry hugs Louis tightly. Louis snuggles his head in the crook of Harry's neck. "Can we unpause Friends now?" Louis asks quietly. Harry nods and unpauses the tv. Louis giggles when Joey says "I'm Chandler, could I BE wearing any more clothes?"

 

Soon after, Louis falls asleep in Harry's arms. He looks like a fucking angel. Harry refuses to wake him up. He carries Louis to his bed, laying him down. He texts Louis's room mates, Zayn and Liam, and says that he fell asleep here. Niall comes into his and Harry's dorm a while later. "Did you guys have sex?" Niall asks excitedly. "No! Now don't wake him. He looks so pretty when he sleeps," Harry whispers, gently running his fingers though Louis's hair. "Whatever, man. I'm goin' to bed," Niall says as he plops down into his bed. Soon after, Harry has fallen asleep with Louis is his arms.

The next morning, Louis wakes up with his arms flung around Harry's waist, his head on Harry's chest. He looks up to see Harry is still sleeping. Louis doesn't know what to do, he wants to get up but Harry is just so fucking warm. He's such a good cuddler. Louis snuggles closer into Harry, breathing in the sent of his worn off cologne.

They had sex after their fifth date. And that's when they know, they can really trust each other.

When they went out in public, they started holding hands, kissing on the cheek, little pecks on the lips, tight hugs, normal things couples do. That's when Louis started getting bullied. They didn't mess with Harry, they knew that he could beat them up. 'He's just so strong and tall and he's big, not like big like he's fat, but just big as in he has really broad shoulders and unf' as Louis puts it. People start making fun of Louis daily. "faggot" "queer" "homo" "cock sucker" "freak" are just a few of the things Louis gets called. One day, he has had enough. Harry went out to dinner with Liam, Niall, and Zayn. Louis insisted that they go without him, he was just tired, after all.

Louis has had enough. Once the boys leave, He lets the tears stream down his face. He had been holding them in for far too long. He cries into his pillow until he can't cry anymore. He quickly grabbed his backpack, and dug out a pencil sharpener. He held it tightly in his hands for a moment before getting up and grabbing a screwdriver. He takes both of the blades out and grabs a handful of tissues before sitting on the floor. He leans against the wall, he pushes his sleeves up. He sighs deeply. One cut, two cuts, three cuts, rest. Breathe in, Breathe out. Cut again and again. He lost track at twenty tiny cuts, all along his wrist. In little bunches and clusters. He watches the blood rise to the surface. He lets out a sigh of relief. He calmly dabs the blood off of his wrist. 

He likes this feeling.

Four weeks go by of being bullied and cutting.

One night, they're in Harry's bed. They're kissing when Harry sticks his tongue in Louis's mouth. Louis goes with it. 'This doesn't have to lead to sex' he thinks repeatedly. Nope. Harry starts grinding into him. Louis gently pushes off when he realizes Harry is hard. "Harry," he says, looking down at Harry's crotch. "I-I'm sorry, if you don't want to, that's fine. I shouldn't have started grinding into you like that. God, I'm sorry. Why don't you want to, can I ask? You probably don't think I'm attractive anymore-" Harry babbles on quickly. "Harry!" Louis interrupts, smiling. "You're still attractive, I'm just not it the mood, alright?" he continues shyly. Harry nods.

As Harry goes to the bathroom to take care of his 'problem', Louis sighs in relief. 'Thank fucking god,' Louis thinks. 'He doesn't need to see my cuts. This isn't the time. Fuck, will I need to tell him soon? Ah, fuck,' he thinks as Harry comes out of the bathroom, blushing.

Louis falls asleep in Harry's arms that night, with the thought of telling Harry about this whole 'situation'.

Two months fly by.

Louis comes back from class, not able to take anymore. He gets his little Altoids container, where he keeps his blades. He has gotten two more, since the beginning. He picks one at random and slashes it against his wrist. He scrapes it and slides it in all directions. He soon covers half of his forearm in blood and cuts, but it just isn't enough. Tears rush down his face as he slices up his skin. A half hour later, his entire forearm is covered. He wipes off all of the blood, which is a lot. He gently runs his fingers across the fresh cuts he has made. He cries softly.

He still likes the feeling.

He sighs at the fact he can't hide these with just bracelets like all the other times. 'God dammit, long sleeves? It's like seventy degrees out, god, why does it have to be June? Why the fuck does our school year go into June?' Louis thinks. Louis got so caught in thinking of how he can hide his cuts, he didn't realize Harry had walked in. "Louis," Harry says quietly, tearing up. "Fuck!" Louis exclaims as he pulls his sleeve down, still crying "please tell me this wasn't on purpose. Of course it was, how would it be an accident and look like that? Fuck, Louis," Harry says, rubbing his hands over his face. "I-If you're gonna dump me, d-do it now, don't pity me," Louis stutters out between sobs. Harry kneels down beside Louis, wrapping his arms around his tiny boyfriend and puling his into his lap.

"I'd never leave you, I love you so much. I'm so fucking stupid for not realizing this sooner. How long has this been going on, baby?" Harry asks, letting Louis cry into his chest, his own tears dripping along the top of Louis's hair. "I'm so sorry," Louis says, leaning into Harry. "Don't be sorry, I know this wasn't your fault. Can you tell me why you do this?" he asks. "I just couldn't take it anymore. I get made fun of so heavily, I didn't know what to do. I started believing them. I might be a freak, and I. I just. I don't. Hazza-" Louis cuts himself off by sobbing harder. "Shhhhh, baby, it's gonna be alright," Harry whispers, gently rubbing Louis's back, and planting kisses to the top of his head. "Do you want me to sing?" he asks quietly. It always did help him. Louis nods. "I found god, on the corner of First and Amistad," Harry sings. He finishes the song, and asks Louis is he feels any better. Louis nods and gives Harry a sad smile.

Soon, Harry talks Louis into getting professional help. His counselor doesn't help. He can't open up to her. Only Harry.

He stops going to his counselor. But Harry helps Louis through his battle with his inner demons.

A month later, Louis is two weeks clean. Other than that one time Louis relapsed, he has been clean since Harry saw.

Louis still had scars along his forearm from that night. Harry feels bad when he sees them every night when they go to bed, but Louis tells him to think of it in a better way. Those are old scars, not new ones.

Harry is very proud of Louis for staying clean so long. He took him out to dinner to celebrate. Oh, he might have gotten another present, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Should I write more? Thanks for reading!


End file.
